This reminds me of something my people would do… something heartfelt you know… someone’s mom might make this for the three men who used to pal around in highschool and now find their asses in the war and navy and possibly on the same boat. It’s the warmest way a person can say I love you and I’m scared shitless that you are going to get killed in lieu of a hallmark card. In some way home made things are repulsive to me, probably because they remind me of shitty christmas presents… or the fact that they’re just not as pretty as manufactured things. Though, you would be amazed how much you could love something like that when you are so far away from home. Mine was a birthday card from my grandma. While it wasn’t necessarily home made, it read:

“You’re 1 today grandson!” and it had a football player on it, a baby one. She meant that I was #1 and she was proud about the fact that I might get my ass shot off and she wanted everyone to know that her grandson was in the air force. I used to wrap myself in a blanket that she made for me, hug the card, and finally fall to sleep at night. I was about 23 I think. It was around the time when all the bodies started getting flown back, and the time that those two helicopters hit together in the phillipines, and I stopped going to funeral type ceremonies after that.

O.K. cue “American Tune” by Paul Simon and wrap this mother fucking post up. We’re done here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AE3kKUEY5WU

No, watch it, you won’t be sorry. Merry Christmas Americans. ;)

P.S. 9 out of 10 Southern White Trash agree that Paul Simon is a good Jew and in no way responsible for the economic crisis. Moreover, anyone who refers to him as a “Kike Jew” is to be admonished. Afterall, this is what we white trash desire from all other races. We want them to be Americans with us. This is the way to our heart. Just when you thought we didn’t have one, or would not applaud the work of other races no matter the greatness of their works. Yes, it takes more to impress us, but once impressed, you not only receive a standing ovation, but also a strange sort of acceptance and loyalty that you are forever unlikely to lose. If necessary we will carry you on our shoulders and applaud you to insure that you feel wanted and liked. Something great, like this song, is something great. We recognize greatness. That is all from the white trash stronghold located here in the “red” states. Well, there is one other piece of business… yes, it’s the thing that is going on in the Washington state capitol? (or was it oregon?) about the holidays being a celebration of the winter solstice and that there are no gods or devils display next to our nativity scene. You can get away with that in Washinton state, or Oregon, or whatever… but I strongly discourage any such incindiary acts questioning our faith within the red states. That is; they (our government officials) will name you by name and give us your home address if you attempt such a display here. From there I can not certainly say what will happen to you for your act of blasphemy, but would instead refer you to what happened when the “vampires” attempted to move into a town very near where I live. http://www.newschannel9.com/news/arrest_971940___article.html/burned_pro No, click on it, it’s really a fantastic read about what happens when two different factions of fanatics meet. Sadly, the locals have scared off our oddity by burning down his treehouse. Rumors have it that it happened because he was walking up and down the road casting spells and threatening to shoot people with a rifle. Anyway, it appears that his shit is truly weak. Therefore, if the vampires can’t pierce the white trash stronghold, I assure you that educated atheists have their work cut out for them. The most likely scenario is that the church of God Pentecostal groups will surround the atheists, dance with snakes, drink poison, and probably cast out the demons of the atheists. Anyway, it will make for a great show. Merry Christmas again from the White Trash Stronghold of security.

P.S. We do not condone any kind of law breaking, this includes arson, or casting demons out of unwilling participants. ;) Our position is that you have the right to go to hell as long as you don’t try to take us with you.

lol!

P.S.S. I hate to beat the issue to death, but after re-reading I think I need to clarify my statement one last time.

We also do NOT suggest dancing with snakes or drinking poison. We believe that doing either is liable to kill your ass dead as a popcorn fart in a tornado. We neither condone, nor condemn our religious fanatics. Instead we live peacefully together with them since many are our relatives. When asked if we would participate in the snake dancing or poison drinking rituals we said no on both invitations. So as not to hurt others feelings, or ridicule their beliefs we explained our position like this:

1. No, we will not be participating in the snake dancing rituals because “God” has told us to “leave those snakes out there in the woods” where he put them.

2. No, we will not be participating in the drinking of poison on the grounds that it most certainly would mess up the balance that is provided by the various medications we take. (prozac, zoloft, cymbalta, and the like) We will not be upsetting the balance of our bi-polar disorders.

To which they said something like:

“If you were ‘saved’ you wouldn’t need to take anything.”

To which I said:

“Get the fuck out of here. I don’t question your salvation, so don’t question mine. Furthermore, I wouldn’t trade my chances with you or anybody else to get into heaven. If you weren’t my relative I’d kick your ass for that.”

And the issue was settled.

The End.

(No really, this is a big joke. I hope you find it funny. Nobody dances with snakes or drinks poison around here, and as far as I know, never has.)